Following in the footsteps of J.K. Rowling, Elizabeth Warren has legally changed her name to E. Warren in order to appeal to a wider audience. Since making the switch to a more neutral name, E. Warren has surged in the polls. Within days of the switch, newcomer E. Warren is…
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Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them in the Migrant Caravan
At this very moment, thousands of migrants are marching from Honduras, Guatemala, and El Salvador towards the United States border. Reportedly, however, not all of these migrants are from Central America. Indeed, some members of the caravan have flown in from around the world to join the march. One man,…
Satanists Fight to Keep “Happy” in “Happy Halloween”
Local Satanists Gary Slaughter and Bertha Blackwood are fighting to end the “war on Halloween.” The couple was spotted holding signs written in blood that said “Satanist holidays matter” and “Wish me a Happy Halloween…or else.” The couple claims they speak for all Satanists when they say the war on…
Female Lovebug Tired of Mate Not Pulling His Own Weight
Lucy Lovebug clung on for dear life to the windshield of the minivan. Larry Lovebug flailed in the wind, doing “the wave” with his arms. Lucy sighed and bore down harder into the windshield. She knew if she let go her and Larry would go spiraling to their deaths. She…