Noon– Wake up hungover from a long night of celebrating Star Wars Day. Lie in bed newly enraged by how Disney is ruining Star Wars with it’s increase of minority and female characters. Punch nearest wall. 12:03- Text only Mexican friend in contact list “Happy Mexican Independence Day!” with a…
32-year old Bruce Ackerman started his Wednesday evening just like any other, shredding it at Gold’s gym. Bruce bought a house exactly 5 minutes away from the largest Gold’s Gym in America. He wanted to make sure he lived close enough to the gym to rush home and make himself…
USF graduate Rebecca Daniels recently got an entry level marketing job in St Petersburg. After long talks with her parents and family dog Ruffles, she decided it would be best for her to move across the Howard Frankland so she could be closer to work. She was forced to cut…
Trade wives. Build Trump Towers. Settle Lawsuits. About the game Welcome to “Settlers of Trump’s America,” an action-packed game that’s full President Trump’s values. In this game, each player is playing as Donald Trump himself. You’re on a quest to “trump” the other Trumps and become the best Trump there…
Are you applying to grad school soon? Are you in need of references for your first job? Can you only remember the names of 1 of your college professors even though you graduated 8 months ago? Not all of us had the foresight to form eternal bonds with our professors…
Having an emotional support leprechaun sham-ROCKED while it lasted. Almost one year ago today, on St Patrick’s Day 2017, I followed a rainbow and found a leprechaun dozing at the end of it. I could tell this leprechaun was an emotional support leprechaun because he immediately walked up to me,…
There is a proposal in the works to put guns in the hands of class pets around the nation. The obvious answer to ending gun violence in schools is arming every living being in the classroom that’s not a student. The National Rifle Association believes putting guns in the furry…
To: Floridians From: CEO of Florida, The Sun Subject: Downsizing and Demanding More Respect Dear Floridians, Listen up! The date is officially March 1st which kicks off Florida Summer. As you know we don’t celebrate Spring here. We only have two seasons: Basically Summer and Summer, and we are now…
Slang has come a long way since the days of “good golly” and “gee whiz.” Millennials have invented so many words that should not be words. We have forced the dictionary to adhere to our foolishness, shoving in words like “selfie” and “photobomb.” Baby Boomers can officially add “they’re debasing…
Before yesterday I had never tried online dating in my life. When a friend sent me the link to Trump.dating.com I was apprehensive. With today’s political climate I’m embarrassed to even wear my “Hillary for Prison” t- shirt outside, much less set up a profile declaring my love for Donald…