Trade wives. Build Trump Towers. Settle Lawsuits.
About the game
Welcome to “Settlers of Trump’s America,” an action-packed game that’s full President Trump’s values. In this game, each player is playing as Donald Trump himself. You’re on a quest to “trump” the other Trumps and become the best Trump there is.
You are settlers of a new land called “Trump’s America.” You must navigate this land by using the resources you have on hand: sheep (wives), brick (gold), lumber (golf clubs), rock (coal), and wheat (fast food). You use these resources to buy settlements (Trump Towers) and cities (White Houses).
The object of the game is to earn VP’s (Vivacious Porn stars). Once a player acquires 10 Vivacious Porn stars the game ends immediately and that player is the winner.
Materials
The game pieces in “Settlers of Trump’s America” function in the same way as the classic Settlers of Catan materials, however they have different names.
In the box you’re given:
- 2 dice
- Game board
- The Robber aka “The illegal immigrant”
- Trump Tower settlements
- White House cities
- Links of the Border Wall
- Resource development cards- Wives, Gold, Golf Clubs, Coal, and Fast food.
- The Longest Border Wall card
- The Largest ICE Army card
You start your journey in “Settlers of Trump’s America” with humble beginnings. After all, Trump started off in Brooklyn with only a small loan of a million dollars. You start the game with only two Trump Tower settlements and two links of border wall.
How to Win
“My whole life is about winning. I don’t lose often. I almost never lose.” –Donald J Trump
You need 10 Vivacious Porn stars and a winning attitude to be victorious in Trump’s America.
You can earn VP’s in a number of different ways. The first is to trade your resources in to build Trump Towers, which are worth 1 VP, or White Houses, worth 2 VP’s.
The second way to earn your Vivacious Porn stars is by building the Longest Border Wall. Building the longest border wall will give you 3 VP’s automatically, until another player builds an even longer wall and takes those points away.
The third way to earn VP’s is to buy development cards with your resources. These development cards will either give you automatic VP’s or they will give you “ICE Agent” cards. “ICE Agent” cards give you control over the “illegal immigrant robber.” The illegal immigrant robber is on your space stealing your jobs and your resources, but the ICE agent card allows you to shift that pesky immigrant onto someone else’s land.
If you have the most “ICE Agent” cards, you earn 3 victory points for having the “largest ICE army.”
Be sure to keep track of how many Vivacious porn stars you’ve collected! After all, you wouldn’t want one running off and opening a lawsuit against you. Once you’ve reached 10 VP’s don’t forget to loudly declare yourself the BEST TRUMP EVER.
Who goes first?
“I look very much forward to showing my financials. Because they’re huge” –Donald J Trump
Start with the richest player and continue to the poorest. Follow this rule no matter how you’re seated. Do not by any means simply start with the richest and move clockwise. All players should bring their tax statements from the year before to verify income levels.
What to do if you win
Settlers of Trump’s America fully supports and encourage bragging from the winner. The winning player should throw the game board across the room and gloat by using their favorite Trump quotes.
We’ve provided a few suggestions below:
“Sorry losers and haters, but my IQ is one of the highest and you all know it!”
“I’ve always won, and I’m going to continue to win. And that’s the way it is.”
“Every successful person has a very large ego.”
“Bing bing, bong bong, bing bing bing”
Trump quotes to use if someone accuses you of cheating:
“There was no collusion. Everybody knows there was no collusion.”
“Do you mind if I sit back a little? Because your breath is very bad—it really is.”
Reviews of “Settlers of Trump’s America” from real players:
What are people saying about the number 1 ranked board game in America?
“I love that the pieces are made smaller so that I can grip them better! President Trump has made me feel better about my tiny hands.”– Stephanie, aged 7, Texas
“Trading wives? Building border walls? Collective Porn stars? Finally, a board game that reflects my conservative family values!” – George, aged 54, Georgia
“Hours of family fun! Though my son drives me crazy with his use of the Illegal Immigrant Robber. When I play with him I can never keep any resources!” – Shirley, aged 46, Florida
“I LOVE this game!! But I can never seem to have enough coal!” – Dennis, aged 50, Wyoming
LMAO This is genius! I have to play it!
This is hilarious! I have a dear friend who LOVES Catan – I bet she’ll love this edition too. You made me day =) xo
Bahahaha sounds like the perfect edition to game night!