“Love Actually” Spin-Off Movies About Other Christmas Emotions

Loathe Actually: Called “the most realistic film of 2018,” Loathe, Actually follows 5 different Midwestern Americans as they find themselves snowed in at their in-laws house days after Christmas is over.  Tensions are high. Father-in-laws are snoring. Mother-in-laws are asking prying questions. Mild distaste turns into full-fledged loathing,

Drunk Actually: Human Resources rep Brad Fleming desperately wants to be liked by his coworkers. At the office holiday party people keep making excuses to leave conversations with him. Will the mix of spiked eggnog and his desperate need for approval be his undoing?

Disappointed Actually: 29 year old Katie Carlson has been hearing from her boyfriend for weeks about a “small box” that’s going to “add sparkle” to her Christmas. Will she be able to hide her disappointment when she realizes it’s a miniature replica of the leg lamp from A Christmas Story and not an engagement ring?

Hangry Actually: Teenagers Carlos and Maria have already torn through their Christmas gifts. Stomachs grumbling, they lay on the couch with their feet propped up texting on their new I phones. Their mom is working tirelessly in the kitchen getting an early Christmas dinner ready for them. When she suggests the kids help in the kitchen they snap. Hangry.

Panic Actually: Single dad Joe Meyers has waited until 7pm on December 23rd to do his Christmas shopping. Even Amazon Prime can’t save him now. He’s forced to grab the lists of his three children and run manically through Target throwing any toy he can find in his cart. As he runs through the store yelling, “I need a Switch!” he has flashbacks to his grandfather yelling the same thing for an entirely different reason.

Awkward Actually: It’s Secret Santa time at the office and Angela Gray is given a half-used candle. She’s forced to smile and say she loves it while the entire staff politely pretends they don’t know what “vanilla” smells like and ask to sniff her new candle.

Hallmark Actually: A documentary that seeks to answer the elusive question: Why do all white women of a certain age become obsessed with Hallmark Christmas movies? Neurologists are consulted about how these women can sit through dozens of movies that have identical plot lines and characters without physically feeling their brains melting. Quotes from the Hallmark lover’s interviews include: “Watching a Hallmark movie feels like getting a warm hug,” and “I actually can’t stop.”

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