A List of Reveal Parties I’m Going to Have When I Get Pregnant

A pregnancy is a beautiful thing that should be documented and celebrated, over and over and over again. I’ve decided a simple “baby shower” is too archaic for me. Even just a “gender reveal party” seems inadequate to document my womb doing something that no other womb has done before; house a human being.

From the moment I get pregnant until I pop the little angel out nine months later it is my job, nay my DUTY, to reveal each and every step of my pregnancy to my family and friends. That being said, I’ve made a list of the nine reveal parties I’m going to have. One for each of the nine months of my very special and unique pregnancy.

1) The Pregnancy Reveal Party:

This will be a cryptic party that I invite my family and friends over for. I tell them to bring gifts but give no reason why. I tell them we are going to be watching the premiere of the new season of Game of Thrones. They’re extremely excited and bring Game of Thrones-related gifts. One of my friends casually asks me why I’m drinking water instead of the wine she brought and I seize the moment. I dramatically clink my spoon against my brand new “I drink and I know things” cup and tell all my family and friends I have an announcement. They all get quiet hoping I’m finally going to let them watch the episode but instead I announce I’m pregnant!!

2) The Father Reveal Party:

I send out another e-vite claiming I have another huge announcement regarding my pregnancy. I put “(no gifts necessary)” on the bottom of the invitation and then promptly set up a card table with a miniature sign reading “gifts”. I wrap my husband up in a giant box from Amazon and poke holes in the side so he can breathe. I tell him that when I give him the signal he’s supposed to erupt from the box wearing his “world’s best dad” tshirt. This is when I reveal that my husband of 5 years is the father of my child.

3) The Top 10 Baby Names Reveal Party:

I’m three months into my pregnancy now. It’s still too early to tell what the gender is but do I wait to have another party? Of course not! I invite all my family and friends over once again to reveal the top 10 baby names that my husband and I are kind of considering. Five for a girl and five for a boy. Instead of simply reading the names out I hide them around our house and make my friends go through an elaborate scavenger hunt to find them.

4) The Gender Reveal Party:

Hurray! It’s four months into my pregnancy and the ultrasound has revealed my baby’s teeny tiny genitalia. For the big reveal we plan to stick a young toddler that is the same gender as our baby into a catapult and shoot him into the air. He or she will be holding either blue or pink sparklers and while s/he soars through the air our guests will scream “it’s a boy” or “it’s a girl” depending on the gender of the child that is inevitably soaring to its death.

5) The Due Date Reveal Party:

It’s five months into my pregnancy and I’ve successfully been dodging the question, “when’s your due date?”. I wanted to save the news so I could have another party to celebrate. At this party I’m going to make everyone guess the due date of my baby. I announce that the winner is exempt from having to come to the remainder of my pregnancy parties. Everyone seems extremely eager to win. Especially my husband.

6) The Baby’s Political Party Reveal Party:

Come celebrate the official announcement of my negative 3-month old baby’s political party affiliation! My husband and I have decided which political party our child will belong to once he or she is 18 and eligible to vote. Stuffed elephants or donkeys for gifts are welcome.

7) The Baby’s Future Profession Reveal Party:

At this point in the pregnancy I’ve already decided what my future child will be when they grow up. I’ve  decided to push them firmly towards a single profession that I’ve chosen based on the aura they’ve given off in my womb. This is a party where I reveal to all my family and friends what my unborn baby’s future profession will be. Grown-up gifts are required and will be saved for when my child graduates college and enters said profession.

8) The Official Name Reveal Party:

After 8 months of deliberating I’ve finally chosen a name for my baby that wasn’t present at the original top 10 party. You don’t want to miss this! Please come celebrate the OFFICIAL naming party for my baby. You now know the gender and the name so choosing appropriate gifts should be a breeze! Think monogrammed onesies and either pink or blue baby gear.

9) The Birth Reveal Party:

The big day has arrived!  If you made it through my first 8 parties then you’ve earned the privilege of watching a live stream of my baby as it tears it’s way through my vaginal canal! Popcorn and refreshments will be provided.