Are you feeling bad about yourself today? Do you feel like you just can’t do anything right lately? It’s easy to be hard on yourself and over-analyze your actions. No matter how badly you think you’ve messed up, it’s nothing compared to the people in these stupid news stories.
When you’re feeling down about your own life one thing you can always do is turn to the news. Your life instantly seems better in comparison to the people in most news stories. The news stories below just happen to be filled with incredibly stupid people and scenarios that should make you feel like Einstein himself.
1) Apple Employees Can’t STop Walking into Glass Walls
Seems like the Genius bar isn’t home to many geniuses. Apple employees keep walking straight into the glass walls of their new headquarters like drunken pigeons.
To fix the issue Apple, the most lucrative tech company in the world, is placing sticky notes on the walls that people are walking into most often. Sticky notes are the grand solution to this problem. Maybe they should use the 8 trillion dollars they make every second to build themselves some real walls.
When is the last time you walked straight into a cubicle at work? Never? See, you don’t need some fancy tech job. You’re already winning.
2) British are calling the police over KFC being closed
KFC recently closed half of it’s UK locations down due to “operational issues” and the British public are losing their minds.
Other countries can’t handle fast food issues like Americans can. We are prepared for closures. We face the heart wrenching closure of Chick-fil-a every Sunday but we adapt and overcome by going to a different chain instead.
When KFC is closed in the UK there is no where for them to turn. Since KFC opened in the UK, the residents have eaten nothing but fried chicken drumsticks. What are they supposed to do without it? Eat authentic British cuisine like mushy peas or “haggis”? No wonder people are calling the police, they’re starving!
3) China calls for crackdown on “funeral strippers”
I don’t know about you, but nothing gets me in the mood to see a half naked lady like a dead relative.
Apparently hiring strippers is the only way to get men to show up for anything, including the mourning of loved ones. It is common practice in certain rural Chinese villages to hire strippers to dance at funerals.
Funeral attendance will be at an all time low as Chinese government cracks down on hiring funeral strippers. You mean there won’t be boobs there?
4) Georgia man force fed cocaine to his goat
It’s nice of Georgia man to give Florida man a day off from news coverage.
A Georgia man just wanted to share his favorite hobbies with his “kid”, but it turned out baaaaah-dly.
The ranch hand in Georgia tried to shove cocaine up a goat’s nose while his friend poured whiskey down the goat’s mouth. The main issue with this story is a lack of consent. What the man should have done is set up a line of coke for the goat and offered it to him civilly.
*Disclaimer*: The goat made it out fine and is now up for adoption.
5) Georgia woman burns 19 houses down after divorce
Hell hath no fury like a woman who loses her house.
After losing her house in a divorce, a Georgia woman set it ablaze screaming, “If I can’t have this house no one can!” She then picked up her two cats and walked to the nearest Walmart where she decided to report the crime. By that time 19 other houses in the neighborhood were damaged or destroyed.
From now on, judges will rule that houses can’t go entirely to one partner or the other. Instead a line will have to be drawn straight down the middle with duct tape a la any 80’s movie where two siblings shared one room.
6) Teens sneak vaping devices into schools
I think your teacher might notice when you start sucking on your pencil sharpener, Susie.
Teens in Chicago schools are sneaking vaping devices in through objects that look like USB ports, high lighters, and tubes of lipstick.
Teachers and faculty are at a loss for what to do about this problem. Detecting these devices will be nearly impossible. Especially when little clouds of smoke start coming out of kids Sharpies.
7) Flight had to land early due to excessive farting
You’ve heard of babies who won’t stop crying on planes. Now get ready for grown men who won’t stop farting.
A man aboard a flight from Dubai to Amsterdam would not stop loudly passing gas, even when nearby passengers started complaining. Two other men on the plane decided they would punch the wind out of him and a brawl broke out, causing the plane to have to land early.
It remains unclear if the man’s farting was out of rudeness or a a result of the stuffed camel he ate in Dubai on hump day. (Yes, that is a real dish).
Next time your wife complains about you passing gas just show her this news article. At least you’ve never had to make a plane land because you wouldn’t stop farting.
Enjoy these stupid news stories
Take these news stories and hold them in your heart for times when you need to feel like a genius.
Even on your darkest day you can remember that you don’t walk into walls, hire strippers for your funerals, or land flights with your flatulence.
Thanks, feeling very more smarter all red E!
HAHAha. Nice compilation of funny news! I am travelling on a long-haul soon. Will bear in mind not to have stuffed camel one day before~
These seriously made me laugh out loud, especially the Apple one. I could see myself being one of those people walking into the walls. Hilarious!
hahaha! i can’t stop laughing. this compilation really made me laugh out,especially the apple employees story.
Had a nice hilarious time reading your post with very unconventional news items….specially the hiring of strippers in Chinese funeral parties, I wonder if the dead weren’t reborn to witness this…..:);)
Thanks for my morning laugh . There are a lot of crazy people in the world . It’s nice to read something light and funny for a change 🙂
This one made my day. What an amazing read. I read it twice because it was so much fun..!!!
OMG some of these are crazy. I saw someone walk into a glass wall at a local arcade recently and I have never laughed so hard in my entire life.
haha These are great. There’s a local news channel where I live that share these type of stories every afternoon and I love it!
-Lauren
http://www.shootingstarsmag.net
I feel like I needed to read something like this today! I appreciate you making us all laugh! Such a great way to lighten up the mood and slow down. Lol.
These are hilarious! I heard about the KFC one. That’s so odd that people call the police about that. I guess they really wanted chicken!
Haha This is so funny. Flight had to land early due to excessive fart make laught too much. Thank-you so much for posting this! Just what I needed to hear today. This madae my day.
These were funny and I had heard of some of them. Just shake my head over how dumb some people are. Who has strippers at a funeral.
My daughter just did a presentation to her class on the apple employees walking into the glass walls! Her class thought that this was such a funny story.
These are hilarious! Just want I needed to start the day! Thanks 🙂
FUNERAL STRIPPERS?! GTFO with that, that’s so crazy. Lol. I can’t even imagine how my family would react, they once got upset because someone wore shorts to a funeral.
LOL this is brilliant! Great laugh for my day, sharing this with some friends!
This is an exhilarating story. Wonderful compilation to read. Mostly the man feeding his goat with coke.
https://rawlingsunday.wordpress.com/2018/02/19/why-the-frivolous-spending/
I had heard of some of these stories recently, the airplane landing because of farting is hilarious! I saw pictures of the Apple offices, the glass is all over and did not have any trim or border so could easily be ran into.
These are so great! I laughed and laughed about the glass walls. I’ve seen people do that with glass doors before – it’s hilarious. It would actually be a great addition to have glass walls at work – it would liven the place up with some entertainment – it would be so fun to take down the sticky notes haha! Thanks for the laugh 🙂
Haha these are some great stories, I heard that KFC had shut down most of its stores apparently their courier company didn’t deliver the chicken!
Boy Georgia has some crazies for sure. 19 houses just gone because of a tantrum.
Oh my word I cannot believe people. A goat on cocaine; smh.
Such crazy and hilarious stories. I had a laughing fit reading them. Very well written
Too funny! I heard about a couple of these stories. The Chinese funeral strippers had me the most puzzled, lol!
After all of the seriousness in the news lately, this was a welcome laugh. Thank you.
I love this! Calling police over KFC is insane! I mean I like KFC as much as the next person but come on now!
Oh my goodness! I’d be entertained seeing them walk into walls!
I used to feel alone like I didn’t have anyone. You always have to remember the keep your head up and remember everything good that’s happened for you.
Yeah man. I don’t know about getting divorced. Being trapped in a house she set on fire sounds like something I don’t want to have any part of aside from reading about it…
Having to land a plane due to excessive farting is a new one. I never heard of that but I know some people that would get a kick out of that one.
HA!! So because I am a middle schooler at heart the farting one totally has me laughing!! Thanks for the funnies!
Oh my! Are these real?? Haha!
I always love these stories. My favorite was watching all of the upset British children being interviewed in front of KFC. I would be disappointed, too!
Totally made my day right now! I think it’s really awesome that you posted this for us to read! Thanks so much! After a stressful week, I could really use some laughs. I can’t stop laughing from all the silly news!
Thanks for the laugh after a long and difficult day. These headlines are definite eye rollers. I have better things to do than make the news with stupidity.
These sure are some corny stories. Did not know that the Chinese had a ritual of strip dances at funerals. The impact of banning this needs to be seen.
I had to laugh with the flight that was forced to land due to excessive farting lol. Burning houses after divorce, that’s messed up!
I heard a bunch of these on the radio the other day and couldn’t stop laughing. Man, do I feel smart!
These are so funny and totally made my morning a little brighter!
Ha! These are really funny – well and a little sad about the woman who burned the house down. I told my daughter about the KFC in the UK – she and her husband lived there for 2 years. She says she understands why they shut down because the food was horrible. lol
HAHAHAHA in a world of constantly terrifying and heartbreaking news stories, this is a nice change of pace! LOL thanks for the laughter xo
Bahahaha, brilliant! Strippers at funerals… why not eh? If it gives someone a good send of I’m OK with it! And as for KFC… I used to live in the U.K. and there isn’t the big selection of fast food you get here in the US. That means if KFC closes you’ve lost a third of your available comfort food… horror! Haha I’ve had a pretty rubbish day and this post really cheered me up, thanks 🙂
These were awesome, my favourite is the apple employees, probably as that is something I would do myself. The walking into walls not the post it notes.